7 Random Doodads You Never Knew You Needed In Your Life

Sitting on your couch in the mood to binge shop?

Andrew Yuen, Bear Hub Staff

It’s almost second semester and senioritis is slowly washing over EBHS. Many of you have started a new job or will be receiving big checks for graduation parties in the not too distant future. For the first time, money will be flowing in and you have no idea what to do with it. Instead of saving up for car insurance or college, consider these highly practical items compiled below!


1. This plush boyfriend arm that’ll keep you company even in the loneliest of times.


2. A hyper-realistic “Senior citizens riding in a golf cart” decal to spice up your wall because who doesn’t want to stare at senior citizens riding in a golf cart when you’re sleeping?


3. Need somewhere to crash? For only $36,000 and free two-day shipping, you can buy a pre-constructed home fully furnished and delivered to your location of choice.


4. This hardcover novelty presents “scores of delightful and inspiring photographs of people and cats engaging in their favorite dance routines as well as moving testimonies of the personal transformations brought about through this uniquely joyous form of human-animal connection.” Whether sitting in the comfort of your home or taking a break at work, be moved to tears by this truly one-of-a-kind masterpiece.


5. This authenticity-certified uranium ore is the perfect gift for that weird nephew who naruto-ran through Area 51 and thinks everybody is a Russian operative.


6. This stainless steel Jude Jewelrer’s engagement ring is perfect for couples of all budgets, with free two-day shipping, a $7 price tag, and proven hypoallergenic material. Show your loved one just how much you love them with just the tap of a button!


7. Distracted driving? No sir! With the Wheelmate Steering Wheel desk attachment, you can fly down Summerhill Road while finishing that homework you never did! dIscLaImEr: tHiS iS sAtIrE, do nOt tRy aT hOmE